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Running in the dream

 Running in the dream
I'm on the run. A man with a flushed face and black teeth hugged me from behind and hit to the ground. He has a lash in his hand, lifts it up and hits my back. The color of my shirt change into the red color. I turn around and look at him, this man is my father! I scream and escape. I jump … and wake up.
 
 It’s 3:30 in the morning. I look around in the dim light inside the room. All the girls are asleep or maybe they pretend to be asleep! My face is wet and my throat is dry. I move along lightly and I rub my arms. I'm afraid to sleep again. I should get up and go to the bathroom. I open the tap water and I start to cry. Maybe I’ll be more relaxed. Free from any tension and anxiety.
My name is Leila. I’m sixteen years old and the wife of a sixty-year-old man. I was born in a village near Kashmar, in the middle of September in 1999. The man who was addicted. My memories of childhood are full of pain and suffering. 
Burns are still on my hands and they remind me all tortures in my childhood. I was only 9 and I was eager to goto school and study even with a bag made of gunny sack. But my father didn’t let mestudy more and he sent me to the brick kilns. I had to work in the furnace to earn money for his drug. While other girls at the same age as me,were reading their books in small classes, I was running toward the brick kilns. I knew there's no wrong forever.
 
My addict father was arrested for the crime of theft and he was sent to the jail and I ran away from brick kilns. That miserable life didn’t last long. When I had a little brother and sister, my parents were separated. Because of my father’s situation, I was living with my mother and my grandmother and I remember some little joys of those days. I love my mother and my grandmother I still miss them a lot. In my grandmother’s tales the world was a beautiful place. She said about princes who came on the white horses and pick up beautiful girls from the village and I looked at myself in the mirror every night before bed.
  
There was a new story on the way. A suitor came for my mother. My father was released from the prison. And I could not live with my mother because of that new situation soI had to go back to my father. I remember that moment; when I entered the house my legs were shaking and it wasn’t a good start to get into the house. He forced me to prepare drug for him and I didn’t want to do that. He beat me but I didn’t obey him. I wanted to study and sometimes I looked at our neighbors’ girls’ textbooks.
 
 I wish I could change everything in my life; I wanted to be on a chair in a class with my new books. My father wasn’t satisfied so made a new decision! He sold me! He forced me to marry with a 60-year-old man and in return he received about 2000 dollars. That man had a wife and a fewchildren;he wasn’t like my princess in my dreams! I didn’t wantto stay there. In fact he hired me to work in his farm. They always fought with me and his children hit me and I tried to defend myself. However, this was my war and I must struggle for freedom. My father sold all my jewelries that I had as a gift from my husband. When he ran out of money, he contacted my husband and asked more money. They didn’t accept and in the middle of this battle I was like a homeless bird that I was jumping from one branch to another branch.
 
Everyone should make a decision once in his life and do something for himself. It was that special time for me. I looked at the past; there was nothing, no happiness. I ran into the road; toward the better future. Roads take people to the new worlds so I ran away. But I knew that I escape from evil to good. I was migrating like lonely swallow. I ran towards the city in a dry and desert road.
 
I went to the social welfare bureau of Kashmar and I introduced myself. It was really difficult moment. I was a teenage girl with a weary body and dry throat and I had to explain all this pain and suffering in a few words! As I wanted to say something I fainted.
 
The social worker listened to my story and wrote them down while I looked at the window. Someone inside me spoke with the social worker and I was next to the window and I looked at the people on the street, and I thought that they all are happier than me.
 
They introduced me as an abandoned girl to the social welfare bureau of Mashhad, and they took me to Tous mental hospitals. But it wasn’t my home too. Although they were kind to me, but I didn’t have any mental disorder and it wasn’t the right place for me. I had changed to a rough and nervous girl. My life was a kind of struggle. They sent me to work in a factory, but I couldn’t work there. One day I cut my hand and I didn’t go to the work anymore. I didn’t like that lifestyle. Most of the time I fought with other girls and I was still on the run. During all this time the old princeof my story was waiting for me. My husband came to visit me, but Ididn’t want to see him.
 
I cried out When TV showed displaced people because of war. I saw women and children with a small bag on their back and while they were passing roads, from nowhere to nowhere. I thought my sister and my little brother who was in one of the social welfare centers. I couldn’t live there anymore, so they sent me to Hamdam charity. It was a new world with new people. I had decided to be quiet, but if someone annoyed me, I’d annoy her too. During these years, I had learned to be ready to fight. The first few days were really hard.
 
At the first I worked in Gelim weaving workshop, but I didn’t learn anything. Later, I went to the flower making workshop. I like flower making and now I’m in Farshine workshop. I love here more than anywhere else. Sometimes I go to camp and party with other girls, we celebrate, and now I'm starting to believe that the life has beautiful days too.I’ve said to my friend to delete sad songs from my pen drive and replace them with happy songs. I’ve missed my village, my mom and my grandmother. I wish I could study, get married and have my baby in my arms. I want to sleep tonight and see these dreams instead of those nightmares. I’ve chosen brightness and I haven’t acceptedcompulsion that’s why I’m happy. I’m a girl and the world needs meto have beauty.
 
Translated by: Raheleh Shariat 
 
Date : 4/2/2016 Share This News :    
 

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